Your World

The subway is lonely tonight and for the first time I find myself regretting. Not everything but a few decisions in my life; not for the better. Events that should have happened differently or not at all. People who weren’t worth my time who received far too much of it, and others, craving my affection, shut out and turned down. My subway is lonely. I am lonely. We reflect each other.

The stops go by like events in my life and each one tells me a story. An event. A lifetime. So much of my own history is tied up in the rails. Waiting to break out, waiting for a chance.

I wanted to kiss you tonight. With the smoke lingering off your lips and that cute roughness (from too many cigarettes and not enough sleep) hanging in your voice. Why didn’t I kiss you? Why do you drive me nuts? You are not the first person who showed me friendship and kindness so why are you the first person who tortures me? I like it.

History repeats itself. It climbs up from the rails and entangles me in memories. It grabs me and makes me uncomfortable. I wish it would leave me alone tonight. I wish it would stay away.

We were hurting for our drug tonight. Something to smoke and hold on to. Tonight could have gone differently and I think you knew it too. Keep it light; don’t go off. Don’t sink too deep. I should have had a hit tonight. Should have given in. I want to. I always want to.

Forbidden and exotic and amazing. You are my Pandora’s box and I want to keep looking. Over and over I want to peer into the cave of secrets. I want to keep lifting the sacred lid and live with my consequences. I want to dive into that world. I want to live in it. I want to be it.