So This is Home

With the fucking TV way too loud and always on. I have expressed my hatred for TV and it's only gotten worse since I moved here. What is this strange fixation with TV? Why can it never be off? How can you watch the same episode over and over? Why do you need to be on the computer and have the TV on? Why must you subject me (in both of "my spaces" (the basement and my shared bedroom)) to the fucking idiot box? Turn the fucking thing off!

Everyone yells. I don't know why they yell (may have something to do with the higher than needed volume on the TV). I am sensitive to noise as it is, I do not respond favourably to yelling and slamming doors.

Everyone is stressed. It's hard to keep a sane and level head about you when you're trying to figure out your life and school and relationships when everyone is uptight. Learn to relax. Learn to spend time with your kids so they don't bother you for attention. Learn to turn the honoured TV and computer(s) off and just be people. Yes your paper may be due in a week, but that doesn't mean you get to ignore your kids.

Money. Stop bribing your kids to do stuff and stop charging me rent. Every time I see my 9 year old sister with yet another bag from the corner store full of a)a full sized chocolate bar; b)a large-sized chocolate milk; and c)a bag of potato chips (contents vary but you get the idea) just for her, or my 16 year old sister with a wad of cash (who wont lend me 5 bucks even when I tell her I can pay her back in a week) I get sad. Not sad cause the kids have stuff; that is perfectly fine, kids are supposed to have stuff sometimes. Sometimes. It's just handed to them while I struggle and try to work and go to school (looking for a job and obtaining on is proving harder than I thought) and worrying about where my credit card payment is going to come from. I didn't get an allowance, yet I still had weekly/ daily chores. This 9 year old kid does nothing and still gets a fiver (sometimes more if she can trick her parents into paying her more) handed to her every week (plus what she gets to 'go to the store' during the week)
Throws up.

Then I get stressed cause I'm here. I get worried and don't sleep and hide at my friend's for long periods of time. I've been known to sit in front of subway stations at 12am talking, only 'cause I don't really want to go home yet. Phrases like 'man I'm going home, but I wish I wasn't going home to where I'm going' have escaped my lips. It's really frustrating to hate where you're living but really have no other choice. And even though they are annoying most of the time, they do help me out from time to time, and I can't really complain too much about that.

I think I have whined about my oh-so-hard life enough for now. I shall return with more confusing bits of poetry written on subways, more ramblings and odd discussions, and further accounts of my boring life at another time.