Blogging in the Morning

Can I call in sick to the doctor's? Please?

Packed day today. Full of school and friends and dreaded dr. appointments. I assume I will have some kind of amusing story to tell after today is over, although how appropriate it is for blogger remains to be known. I'll use discretion when posting.

The mornings in this house are more like epic battles for control of bathroom ground. I had a stronghold and later lost it to Brother's counter-attack. I do believe in a couple of minutes I will stage another attack and I'm quite sure I will hold that all-too-important hill for a few minutes at least (I need to get out more lmao)

But srsly the struggle for the bathroom in this house is one that is worthy of "epic". How fast you are and when you get up in the morning dictates whether or not you leave the house with your teeth brushed. I've learned to keep my toothbrush at least in my room; kitchen sink works just as well. lol

Anyways this was just a little post so I could kill some time before the counter-attack and to keep me busy, as I am rather hating the fact that I get to miss part of science today, but it's so I can go to the clinic. That just pisses me off. lol

Have a good day fellow bloggers
Cheers
Dawnie

Subway

Full moon on the bus tonight. I went an extra stop just to watch it from the window. Transfixed by the glow of something so far. That scene happened before. Going over the kipling bridge, staring at a full moon just starting to rise. Coming home before I started taking the queen car. The car was better; more character and safer than the kipling bus. But the moon was full that night and I loved it. I don't love it tonight.
The subway doesn't show its moon. Instead it shows its ghosts. All the stations hold ghosts of scenes that exist now only in my own mind. Conversations, meetings, departs, fights, all have their place in stations across the line. I wish those ghosts were quiet tonight. Not tonight. Tonight they are yelling at me from the grave, telling me to remember those events that shape a year. Went to work still asleep at Glencairn, went to Eg to spend hours cooped up in a shitty bachelor apartment, practically lived at Kip, was a fool at Wilson. Quiet ghosts, go back to your electric recesses tonight please. Why won't you leave me alone tonight.
Those events shaped a year. Maybe shaped an entire lifetime. How much they really effected anyone who was involved. Sometimes I think most of them were more important to me than to the other people. How much each of those stations changed who I am I will never fully know. Would I be here typing if I wasn't a fool at Wilson? Probably. Would I be here typing if I didn't live at Kip? Probably not. Tonight wouldn't be the same at all.
Every ghost in every station tells me something tonight. They all come out and make me remember the smallest interactions. Thoughts and memories past. Inconsequential to anyone other than me. Am I a completely different person? Am I the same girl? I don't even know. I dwell on the amount of change that has happened in the past year and a half. Am I right to want to relieve those days? Am I right to think back on how I got here? I don't know. I'm full of doubt and uncertainty. Maybe my independent time is over. Maybe its coming back now. I like to think it is.
Go back and erase a year. Exorcise all the ghosts that lurk in the electric depths of the stations. Return to the way it was before. Return to life, escape from dream. View what is real again. Abolish the folly. I don't want to tonight. I never want to.


So is written on the subway between York and my station (Keele). It's been a wild night bloggers, wild indeed. I don't know where that came from, but tonight I'm more nostalgic that usual. Tonight I wonder all these things and more. I wonder about who I really am and if I've finally found out who Dawnie is. I change with my nicknames. A new one has emerged. Perhaps this means I'm becoming a different girl again. All this reforming and reshaping is getting tiresome but I find myself unable to stop it. Hopefully I keep elements of the Humber Dawn. I really liked her sometimes.

It's hard to say who anyone is really. It's all perception and expression that makes us who we are. We are who we perceive people think we are. It is a crazy backwards way of thinking but very true. I am who I think you think I am. That is how we are able to take on traits of our friends so easily. That is how we can see someone on a subway and make a decision on who they are. It's all fabricated. It's all a sham. Eat that Dr. Phil.

//rant
//philosophical sociology
//this post
I'm home for the night

Monday

Is it possible for you to still function when your brain is officially asleep? The resounding "YES!" is the answer to that question. I do believe I am officially asleep at work today. Not only am I completely disinterested in this project, but I am also tired and burnt out. I'm always tired and burnt out but who's really keeping track right?

Today (Jan. 21 in case you're blind or can't read well) is supposedly the most depressing day of the year. They say a combination of broken New Year's resolutions, Christmas bills, shitty weather, and the realization that we are all back to work and school and the holidays are over attribute to this. Personally, this day has been the suck so I am inclined to agree with whoever 'they' are. But then again, every Monday seems to be the suck for me. Or every day. But really, again, who's keeping track of this stuff.

~Dawnie wants to hurt whoever designed this database system. Limited search options, CAPS only entry, crashing when a foreign character is entered, not allowing deletes, not allowing entries. Database program: go blow~
//rant

Moving on.

Blogging mid-day seems to be the most effective method for staying awake during boring projects. Not only do my fingers get to do actual typing, but I get to bitch about how bad work is, at work. Win-Win really. It also gives me a little break from the endless wild goose chase that is database updating. Seriously, this job description was kind of misleading. I wasn't told it was going to be hellish at times. Liars.

I don't think I have anything humourous or cynical to report. I got a MacBook and I am in love with her. We named her Mackie and she's awesome. My black desktop gets hardly any love and even when it does, it still has to share that attention with Mackie. She's my favourite child; there is nothing I can do about it. They both have good and bad sides but having the mac for school is proving to be a wise investment. She weights only 5 pounds and is 13 inches. I never want to take another note by hand again

Time goes slowly here. Which somehow leads me back to this morning...
I found my mittens! yay! They were in the garage on top of my bicycle seat.

Pati Someone must have borrowed them to get logs from the pile and then not returned them. My hands have been freezing for 2 weeks because Pati someone can't return stuff that she they borrow(s) (without asking).

This morning I also forgot my ipod, coffee, lip balm, planner, and any form of reading material at home. To accompany this, the backing of my cellphone came off last night when I dropped it down the basement stairs it fell. I still have not found it as it most likely fell into the dark cold depths of the space under the stairs (Dad keeps saying he will finish the back of the stairs...). Due to this procrastination, I must investigate the area and hope the spiders don't stage a coo. Ugh.

I do believe this post is nearly finished. I have wasted enough time at work and must move on to removing fax numbers. If you think this sounds as boring as finding the C.F.C.'s to major companies, you would be quite right. Fax removal needs skittles and lots of them. I bribe myself. How sad is that?

Dawnie

*I was just looking in my wallet change compartment (see skittles note above) and found a little piece of paper with a name and number on it. A guy I used to work with at the call centre. I wonder where he is now and I feel bad for never calling him. It wasn't that I wasn't into him, I just didn't ever know what to say. Sigh.

//that be all

Because they've blocked Facebook...

I will write a blog entry at work.

As I said, they have blocked my favourite addiction from me at work. I'm not sure why or how, but one cannot access Facebook from any of the computers in the office. This worries and upsets me. If I'm on a computer all day, I need to be able to stay informed on my friends' lives. It's inhumane Infonex, give me back my drug!

Moving on....

Work is turning into hell with fluorescent lighting. This list is impossible and retarded. I hate it. I've been working on it for over a week. I'm tired of it. Give me something else to do please.
*dies*

So it's 3.30 (the British way cause I'm cool like that) and time for cookies and juice (cause I'm the youngest one here and why shouldn't this be like kindergarten?). I very much want to go downstairs and smoke the rest of the cigarillo in my bag. I'm trying to resist but it's making me even more pissy. Oh nicotine, why must I love you?


I only have 2 more hours left until I'm free of this place. I can't wait. Errands on the way home, packed subway to deal with, quick shower and bite to eat, then back on the subway to meet Dan after he gets off school. Reading and the like to do tonight as well, although once I'm at Dan's I doubt I will get much reading done. He's also going to scold me about my piercings. I'm not taking care of them as well as I should and he's going to know when he looks at them tonight. There are a couple downsides to dating a pro piercer....

Well I should really get back to work (and when I say "back to work", I really mean "waste more time goofing around online and texting people").

Cheers,
Dawnie

Pain

Piercing pain is one of the best kinds of pain. It hurts but it doesn't....
I got my orbital piercing yesterday after waiting for a while to get it done. It's still in stage one until it heals so it's just two rings. Hardly an orbital at all. But after it heals, oh after, it's gonna be awesomeness linked with one ring! yay! lol

Now that I'm dating Dan, everyone thinks I'm getting more piercings because I'm with him. That pisses me off. These were in the works before I even met him, let alone got with him. For the record: this orbital was planned before Dan. lol

Christmas was quiet. Didn't do a whole lot of running around. We laid around and ate and slept and visited with family. It was very productive I know. I'm going to have to catch up on some reading I should have gotten done over the break. I still have a few days before classes start so I'm not too worried.

Well blogger, I think its time to clean up these holes in my head, have a shower, and get some laundry done. Busy day. lol

I see you and you're all disheveled
Last week's nail polish clings to
Nails bitten down
Why'd you bite them like that?
Why are you so nervous?
Come here honey
Come, I'll make it all better
Your hair frizzes
Trying desperately to escape its loose braids
You care so little about that though
Everything has a mind of its own
It doesn't bother me
I don't mind
Come here honey
I'll smooth it out
Make everything better
Your skin is so soft
It hurts me to touch the
Gentle curves of your body
Beautiful and brown and
Scarred and sacred
Come here, I'll make everything fine
Clean up your nails, blood red nails,
Fix your hair
Fix your life
What's bothering you?



if you only knew how much I miss you sometimes. I wish I could tell everyone........

Crash

crash down/ fall apart/ come back/ you want it/ keep coming/ hide in the smoke/ let it fill you/ cough/ choke/ escape/

I found you again/ lost in your drug/ immobilized/ your favourite side effect/ slow down/ slower/ fall apart/ you need it/

love it/ follow/ dip in/ play around/ die every night/ you're a phoenix/ come back to me/ from the fire/

die again/ keep coming/ you need it/ you need me/ come for me/ crash down/ fall apart/ again/

always again.