Friendly Fire

Well I’ve been sitting here so long thinking what I’d say to you/ but it seems like silence is what I was after/ skies in west delay they turn from amber into gold/ it’s just the nighttime putting on the pressure/ and I sailed a beaten ship without a camera through the fog/ and held the hand of darkness in the mire/ kissed its perfect lips only pretending it was you/ I’m still wounded from your guns/ pretending they were only friendly fire/ these clothes have gone from second hand to something I can wear/ or maybe use to try to douse the blood/ and everything I thought that I could ever say to you/ got all fucked up and well just misunderstood/ and I sailed a beaten ship without a camera through the fog/ and held the hand of darkness in the mire/ kissed its perfect lips only pretending it was you/ still wounded from your guns pretending it was only friendly fire/ so I’ve been sitting here so long thinking what I’ll say to you/ but I guess it’s silence that you’re after/ the skies in west delay they turn from amber into gold/ hell that’s just the nighttime putting on the pressure/ and I sailed a beaten ship without a camera through the fog/ and held the hand of darkness in the mire/ and kissed its perfect lips only pretending it was you/ still wounded from your guns pretending it was only friendly fire/ friendly fire.

I kept hoping it was just friendly fire.
Fuck you.

And my fine is......470.60 yikes

Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on Facebook -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $20
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Masturbated -- $10
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

Tally it up and Re-Post it as..."My Fine Is..."

So This is Home

With the fucking TV way too loud and always on. I have expressed my hatred for TV and it's only gotten worse since I moved here. What is this strange fixation with TV? Why can it never be off? How can you watch the same episode over and over? Why do you need to be on the computer and have the TV on? Why must you subject me (in both of "my spaces" (the basement and my shared bedroom)) to the fucking idiot box? Turn the fucking thing off!

Everyone yells. I don't know why they yell (may have something to do with the higher than needed volume on the TV). I am sensitive to noise as it is, I do not respond favourably to yelling and slamming doors.

Everyone is stressed. It's hard to keep a sane and level head about you when you're trying to figure out your life and school and relationships when everyone is uptight. Learn to relax. Learn to spend time with your kids so they don't bother you for attention. Learn to turn the honoured TV and computer(s) off and just be people. Yes your paper may be due in a week, but that doesn't mean you get to ignore your kids.

Money. Stop bribing your kids to do stuff and stop charging me rent. Every time I see my 9 year old sister with yet another bag from the corner store full of a)a full sized chocolate bar; b)a large-sized chocolate milk; and c)a bag of potato chips (contents vary but you get the idea) just for her, or my 16 year old sister with a wad of cash (who wont lend me 5 bucks even when I tell her I can pay her back in a week) I get sad. Not sad cause the kids have stuff; that is perfectly fine, kids are supposed to have stuff sometimes. Sometimes. It's just handed to them while I struggle and try to work and go to school (looking for a job and obtaining on is proving harder than I thought) and worrying about where my credit card payment is going to come from. I didn't get an allowance, yet I still had weekly/ daily chores. This 9 year old kid does nothing and still gets a fiver (sometimes more if she can trick her parents into paying her more) handed to her every week (plus what she gets to 'go to the store' during the week)
Throws up.

Then I get stressed cause I'm here. I get worried and don't sleep and hide at my friend's for long periods of time. I've been known to sit in front of subway stations at 12am talking, only 'cause I don't really want to go home yet. Phrases like 'man I'm going home, but I wish I wasn't going home to where I'm going' have escaped my lips. It's really frustrating to hate where you're living but really have no other choice. And even though they are annoying most of the time, they do help me out from time to time, and I can't really complain too much about that.

I think I have whined about my oh-so-hard life enough for now. I shall return with more confusing bits of poetry written on subways, more ramblings and odd discussions, and further accounts of my boring life at another time.

ok so maybe three bowls of shisha is a bad idea on a Sunday afternoon, but dammit, it was fun at the time. So now I'm stuck with a tummyache and a sore throat and a confused head. That's right blogging world, Dawn has a confused head. Long story, don't ask. Its not that uncommon i know.

In other news, my mom was here all weekend* and I had a great time. Man oh man I miss my momsy. I guess it's cause I don't see her very often. Aww Momsy.

Ugh I'm the worst blogger ever. I so neglect this blog but I'm trying blogging word, I'm trying.

I think I shall leave my aimless ramblings for now. My life is so exciting I know.

But man that shisha was sooo worth it (just maybe not so much in a row next time)

*I totally spelled weekend with three e's the first time, and couldn't figure out why blogger was saying it was wrong. I was like 'I'm the grammar queen here people, don't tell me what's wrong!'. Then I realized and felt bad and apologized to it.